I feel a shifting in my soul. I still don’t know what the future holds for my voice, but the Holy Spirit has been speaking to my heart of new wine skins. I’ve heard His whisperings, saying that’s what He’s been up to. So that I can hold what He would give me. I don’t know what that looks like, but an expectation has sparked in my heart. I’m ready to walk boldly into a new season. He gave me time to prepare for it, and now I think I might be ready to go.
I’ve spent a whole season wrestling and resisting the loss of things I loved. I had been walking where I desired to be…confident of my calling. I didn’t wonder what my post was, I was standing at it. And then it was like a tornado blew through everything and turned me all around. What was once before me was now behind. What once was behind was looming ahead of me again. I’m not sure if it’s worse to be unaware of your passions or to know them and be unable to pursue them. I’ve sat in both chairs at points in my life. I think the loss of what you love is harder than the absence of what you don’t yet know. Either way…I have determined to start again and find new passions if needed.
But isn’t this always the way of life on planet earth? Ebbing and flowing. Receiving and releasing. Life is a constant process of it. Maybe our peace is found in embracing this dynamic. Maybe it’s the grab and hold that keep us unsettled and un-surrendered. If chasing after the wind is what makes us unfocused and running after fruitless things, maybe it’s the clinging to the old that keeps us from any fruitful chase at all.
Colossians 4 in the Passion Translation says, “make it your duty to make Him known.” In the notes it goes on to define duty as “sell your last crust of bread, giving all you’ve got.” To know Him and to make Him known are our purpose. There is nothing greater. It is a summary of the greatest and second greatest command that Jesus laid out in Matthew 22. The pursuit of such a grand purpose is a constant give…giving it all. So, give I will. I will make Him known until I have nothing left to give.
We had a friend and worship leader in our youth group in New Mexico that wrote a song that declared: “I will praise you with my voice. If I have no voice, I will praise you with my hands. If I have no hands, I will praise you with my feet.” If I can’t praise the way I used to, I will find a new way. If I can’t sing His praises, I will use whatever else I can to praise Him. I will lean into something new to make Him known. He is worthy.
Whether God gives or takes away…nothing has changed…He’s still good. This I know, if God takes something away, He always gives something in its place. It might not be what we wanted, but it will make us better. It may not be that promotion, but it might be a greater measure of joy. It might not be that healing, but it may be an inner one. His better is always better.