Trauma is such a heavy stress to bear, and yet all of us carry some version of it. I sometimes wonder if mankind’s ideal emotional capacity was intended to be so large. We were created for Eden where man’s heart wasn’t stretched to its limit, because it didn’t need to be. All was as it should be. There was no stress. There was no trauma. I think that God, in His mercy, makes our capacity balloon in order to compensate for this fallen world. But I wonder if the balloon was originally intended to be filled to such high volumes. We are able because He makes us able, but were we intended to be?
My sweet little dog has been limping, and so we’ve taken him to the vet a couple of times. I sat in the office today willing the doctor to tell me what I wanted to hear. It may seem like a little thing, but my heart couldn’t bear to hear more bad news. The report wasn’t devastating, but I felt the pain bubbling up anyway; leftover remnants and fresh fears. I felt like my heart might not make it through one more trauma. My balloon was on the verge of spilling over, and it did as soon as I got alone in my car. It seems that my tears are constantly right on the surface these days.
I often think about Job. I wonder what it was like when God showed up and set all things right. When God deflated Job’s thoughts and put the world back into perspective. I think I got a glimpse of that tonight. I knew my heart needed some quiet time with its Savior. He held my pain and said what I needed to hear. He was firm but right. The world around me still may not be as it should be, but my heart now is. The weight lifted. He spoke to the storm and quieted me.
He came to be our burden bearer. He offers to carry the trauma and the pain so we don’t explode. He gives us rest so we can be strong again. He yokes Himself to us and shoulders the heaviest of the weight, making it easier and lighter. He does all that while whispering encouragingly into our ear.
He reminded me tonight that He is the God that comes to get me. That He sits with me in the pain. That He waits with me in the fire. That He stands between me and the lion. He is the God who chooses the pain, chooses the fire, and chooses the den for me. Most people avoid the flames, but He walks boldly in to be by my side. He walks directly into the storm to save me.
His love is not detached. He catches my tears and counts every one. He sends the sun to welcome me to the morning. He sends the moon to say goodnight. He sends the flowers to litter the path leading to the altar where He waits. He sends melodies to be our wedding song. He sent that puppy to say, “I love you.” He says, “For as much as you have fallen in love with Me, I’ve always been in love with you. I’ve always loved you more.”
I don’t know how Job felt after a strong talking to, but God set me straight. That sets my heart right even when the world isn’t. That gives me perspective. That lifts my load. That gives me hope. His words are life.