I’ve been pondering some things lately. Just sitting with them and feeling them out. The last few years have taken a lot from me. A lot of energy. A lot of effort. A lot of intention… A lot of things I didn’t want to give. I’ve been pondering what’s even mine to ponder. What is mine to work out and what is God’s to be left as veiled mystery. The difference matters to me. I love God. Desperately love God, but my fear of God is even stronger. No matter where I land in my pondering…I fear Him. Not scared of the dark kind of fear, but He is holy and matchless and right and just and sovereign and He gets the final word kind of fear. And that means that no matter how I feel about how things worked themselves out in my life, He is holy and matchless and right and just and sovereign and He gets the final word. It means I process what is mine to process and I leave in His hands what is His to know. Finding that line isn’t always as easy as seeing the “Welcome to Florida” sign on the interstate.
One of the things I’ve been thinking on the most is the price of wisdom. It is costly. Chris and I were talking about it one night this week and then in my time with the Lord the next morning I read: “Get wisdom, get understanding; do not forget my words or turn away from them. Do not forsake wisdom, and she will protect you; love her, and she will watch over you. The beginning of wisdom is this: Get wisdom. Though it cost all you have, get understanding. Cherish her, and she will exalt you; embrace her, and she will honor you. She will give you a garland to grace your head and present you with a glorious crown” (Proverbs 4:5-9). That is mine to ponder. God elevates wisdom so high to say it’s worth spending everything. Put all your eggs in that basket. Sell the farm for that. Buy that field.
Nothing builds wisdom like pain. It’s sad but true. The lessons that hurt the most teach us the most. Yet, we do everything we can to insulate ourselves and our children from pain. We hide. We ignore. We run. We pretend. All so we can avoid pain. Are we hiding and running from wisdom? Are we ignoring what God wants to use to add wisdom to our lives? Perhaps. Now, I don’t advocate setting your course to find difficulty and pain, but do we miss its purpose when we fear it? Probably. Wisdom comes at a high price, but anything worth much costs much.